17 February, 2015

How To Get 50,000 Twitter Followers By Mastering Memes

How to get 54,000 Twitter followers:
1. On the day of the infamous Hobby Lobby SCOTUS decision, tweet a photo of yourself standing in front of the Hobby Lobby wearing a "Pro-Life" T-shirt and holding a Chick-Fil-A cup.
2. Soon afterwards, tweet a photo of yourself standing in front of an American flag while you hold a gun and a Bible.

Incidentally, when the local conservative media reported on these viral tweets and the 20-something ultra-conservative Nitro woman who did the tweeting, they told us only that  she was a mom and the wife of a military man. They didn't tell us she had a communications degree from Marshall University and that she worked for Cabell County Schools. Did she learn meme mastery from Marshall? 

How to get 3,000 MORE Twitter followers:
1. Have your affair with a Tea Party staffer reported by a fellow conservative activist. The activist who reported your affair is hated and reviled. You get 3,000 more twitter followers.

Local conservative media didn't report the affair nor did they report if she learned meme mastery from her Tea Party Paramour. 

Besides the fact that conservatives don't demand that their icons actually live what they claim to believe so long as they "make liberals' heads explode", what else do these Twitter-related facts teach us?

I say these facts teach us that Twitter success is about meme mastery and meme multiplication. Whether the Nitro meme queen learned meme mastery from Marshall or her Tea Party paramour, she certainly put on a how-to-use-Twitter clinic for the rest of us.  

Who else do you know in Nitro or Kanawha County who has 57,000 Twitter followers? Let's put this number in perspective. The Nitro meme queen has 10 times more Twitter followers than Governor Tomblin and twice as many as Senator Joe Manchin. 

The cheating Nitro meme queen's Twitter success reminds me of some advice I once gave to an Australian atheist who emailed me to ask how he could make a living being an atheist. I was only half-kidding when I told him to do the following:
1. Start lampooning and ridiculing iconic Australian religious figures and institutions and pray to the god you don't believe in that at least one of these high-profile religious figures or institutions returns fire. Write letters to the editor of Australian newspapers, start parody accounts on social media, use every means of communication at your disposal to mock and deride religion and its symbols in Australia.
2. When one of your targets answers your attacks, make sure every newspaper and TV station know about it. 
3. Start an organization with a bank account in its name and ask fellow atheists to send money so you can fight back against your well-financed religious attackers. When the checks start coming in you will be a paid, professional atheist. And as I once said in my deeply-flawed, unpublishable novel, pretty soon you and the religious symbols you attack and are attacked by in return have a symbiosis. You schedule public debates, you write op-eds against each other and, of course, both the professional religionists and your atheist org  use the feud in fundraising appeals. Everybody wins.

Will a liberal meme queen arise to become the sort of anti-Nitro-meme-queen? I don't know but I admitted a blogger into my Blog Zone group this morning who might have the moxy to become to liberals what the Nitro meme queen has become to conservatives. She's about the same age as the Nitro meme queen, she's cute, she has a blog and she has nearly 10,000 Twitter followers. If she figures out what to do with memes that make conservatives' heads explode, I think she can. 

Higginbotham At Large does not read or publish pseudonymous or anonymous comments. When you click the "submit" button your comment is not yet published it is merely sent to me for my approval or deletion. Commenters who hide behind "handles", nicknames or other pseudonyms will not see their comments published here. If readers won't know who you are, I will delete your comment. No Ring of Gyges for you. I like email addresses that include the submitter's actual name like mine does: JosephHigginbotham@gmail.com.

West Virginia, Saint Albans, St. Albans, Dunbar, Charleston, Kanawha, Speaker bureau, speakers bureau, speaker's bureau, speakers' bureau, guest speaker, 25177, 25143, 25303, 25309, 25301, 25302, 25305, 25311, 25314, 25304, neighborhood watch, animal rights, animal welfare, no-kill, shelters, crime watch, neighborhood crime watch, ward 4,vegan, vegetarian, liberal, liberalism, progressive, branding, naming, home rule, dog tethering,  Peoples Party, portmanteaus, ghost writer, ghostwriter, ghostwriting, ghost writing, neologisms, neologism, brand names, brand name, dog racing, Grey2K, Carey Thiel, Phil Kabler, Rob Casto, Holly Fisher, Joel Frewa


  1. You are cynicism incarnate. But I think you're not _wrong_ about any of this - unfortunately. It's both hilarious and tragic. Oh! Tragicomic!

  2. This is hilarious! A friend of mine linked this entry. I want to try some of this stuff just to see what happens. As a Democrat, I really want to try the Conservative and Tea Party memes, I'm sure it will be awesome.


Only identified commentators will be published. No pseudonymous or anonymous comments will be published. "Handles" and "screen names" are pseudonyms. If you wish to comment, you need to identify yourself or your comment will not be published.